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Always Wanted to Take Revenge on Walmart? Here is one guy who did

Yes, that's right.

It's not A Wal-Mart story... it is THE Wal-Mart story. A tale so sordid, so epic, that it is the only thing I can think of to write about tonight.

I was in my first year of college at the time and was working for Roadway Package Systems on the overnight shift. RPS was a cheap knockoff of Federal Express or UPS, only without all the customers and apparently safety regulations, as we had at least 15 employees out on workers’ comp at any given time. What THEY were doing when they got hurt, I’ll never know, because all I ever saw anyone do was basically sit around and move a few boxes here and there to create the illusion that we deserved our $7.00 an hour. My job function consisted mostly of breaking open the occasional Nerf shipment and “playtesting” the toys all night. Sure, that stuff was meant for someone else, but the company’s insurance would cover it. It was free Nerf as far as I was concerned.

I decided to “quit” RPS one night (and by "quit", I mean to say that I physically demeaned the 5' 2" late night security guard by rubbing his head and calling him "cutie". This was met rather quickly by the blunt end of his Mag-Lite and a veritable honor guard of an escort out of the building), and since I had just lost my scholarship to college due to sleeping in class all day - because of late night work, oddly enough - and still had the futile intention to graduate, I was desperate for a late-night solution to my funds-to-expenditure ratio problem. I had to do SOMETHING for money. I thought about whoring my body out to dirty old men or selling hash made from yard grass and pencil shavings to high school kids, but I felt that as a future writer (haha, right), I needed, for once in my life, to indulge in something TRULY dark and evil... Something from which immeasurable pain and embarrassment would come, so that I could have an experience to draw upon for inspiration in the future. Naturally, Wal-Mart was the first thing that came to mind.

I heard about the position from a friend of mine who, at his request, shall remain nameless. He was working the early morning shift at the time. He explained that the electronics department needed a full time employee on the overnight shift because the last person who worked there was caught masturbating to a Cindy Crawford workout tape at 2 AM while the other employees were in the break room on "lunch".

I'm not kidding.

This is the beginning of the story taken from Mentally Incontinent. Read the rest of it here (about 4-5 times longer with the funniest parts at the end )